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Have you ever driven through a war-torn country that has been savagely defiled by death, blood, tears and explosives and got a sudden erge to crack into a £600 bottle of Dom Perignon? Or have you ever been on your way to the salon and, en route, come under attack from terrorists and you have to pause the re-run of your favourite episode of friends?

No, me neither. But the good people of Toyota have had one of their £30,000 4x4's spruced up to the tune of £100,000. Now the thing is bullet-proof, bomb-proof, life-proof. It's everything-proof except twat-proof. And that is probably disposition of the man who bothered to pay that much money to be driven around in a mobile nuclear shelter equipped with iPad, TV, bar and other necessities when your life is in danger. I like Apple, I don't mind TV and I'm partial to champagne, but I don't want to be surrounded by it 24/7. If your day-to-day requirements involve this sort of lavishly shallow materialism then you basically a douche and here's why.

The company that does these mods is called Lexani Motors. Fair play to them, saw a gap in the market and filled it. What does puzzle me is that the car is advertised to be able to withstand a fucking landmine. Yet when Mr. Lexani gives us a few words he states that the cars are for affluent people who appreciate luxury. In other words, not people who's lives are in danger from sniper fire or hijacking. He goes on to say that not only do the cars offer mad luxury, but they also can be used as a mobile office. No mention of the need for bulletproof glass to stop mans from drive-by capping you.

If I had £100,000 to burn, I would do something cool. Like buy a bar in Vietnam for absolute pence and live like a king. What would you do? Answers on a digi-postcard.

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